How to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

Although many of us understand what good communication skills involve, we often fail to apply them in everyday interactions with other people. When communication problems arise in a relationship, both partners may become frustrated and overwhelmed.

When you and your significant other are unable to communicate in a mutually respectful manner, you may withdraw and avoid the conversation entirely. Alternatively, you could become more aggressive and engage in conflicts and arguments.

If you've reached this point in your marriage, you should consider seeking help to improve communication in your relationship.

What Causes Communication Issues in a Relationship?

Communication problems can arise for a variety of reasons. A lot of the time, communication problems start because of these things:

• Poor listening skills

• Inability or unwillingness to understand one another's standpoint

• Reluctance to be vulnerable with one another

• Mental health problems

• Traumatic early experiences

• Different expectations, beliefs, and values

Even if you work hard to improve your communication skills, the truth is that they rarely last because we all tend to revert to old, ineffective communication patterns, especially when it comes to arguments and conflicts.

Therefore, if you want to improve communication in your relationship, you must constantly work on your communication skills. Here are some pointers to get you started.

Define Your Expectations

Talk to your partner about your expectations for the relationship. In order to feel heard and supported, discuss how you feel when conflict arises and what you require to be happy in your relationship.

If you want to have effective communication in your relationship, you must address these and other related questions first.

Don't Avoid Conflicts

Most people believe that conflicts are harmful and should be avoided if we want healthy relationships.

However, you should not avoid arguments and conflicts because they can benefit your relationship. Conflicts can increase honesty and can help you accept one another. In addition, they can help you understand each other's points of view and the differences in your needs, expectations, attitudes, and beliefs.

It will be easier to deal with disagreements with confidence and assertiveness when you've overcome your fear of them.

Be Open and Vulnerable

Most people are self-conscious about being vulnerable, fearing that complete self-disclosure will result in the loss of love and respect.

Men, in particular, are taught to regard vulnerability as a sign of weakness, fearing that exposing their core to another person could result in serious harm. As a result, many men resort to emotional suppression, leading to communication difficulties.

However, to maintain healthy communication in a relationship, you must be willing to open up and be vulnerable with your partner. Healthy communication in a relationship involves honesty without fear of being judged or rejected.

Vulnerability does not imply weakness; instead, it allows you to be yourself, accept each other for who they are, and connect on a deeper level.

Show Empathy

You can't truly understand and connect if you only focus on each other's behaviors without considering what's behind them. People who can empathize can tune in to their partner's feelings and become aware of the emotional state that led to their anger, withdrawal, and other unhelpful behaviors.

Avoid Double Binds

Double messages, also known as double binds, are mixed statements in which the verbal and nonverbal meanings contradict each other, causing confusion, frustration, and insecurity. For example, you may say one thing while your facial expression and body posture convey a completely different message.

Most of us unconsciously use double messages in communication without even knowing that we are doing it. However, double binds can lead to distrust, so try to recognize and avoid them.

Stay Away from Universal Statements and "You" Language

Communication problems happen when we use a lot of general statements and "you" messages.

Universal statements and "you" language are overgeneralized and judgmental messages that typically cause defensiveness and resentment in the person receiving them. They sound critical and judgmental, contributing to communication breakdown and unproductive conflicts.

So, try to replace them with "I" statements that concentrate on your emotions rather than the characteristics you believe your partner possesses.

For example, replace phrases like "You never (remember our anniversary)," "You always (think of yourself)," or "You'll never (change)" with "I" statements such as, "I feel hurt when you forget about our anniversary" or "I feel neglected when you don't consider my needs."

Don't Make Assumptions

Whenever you assume one another's actions or words, this can cause trouble in your communication.

We often make a lot of incorrect assumptions, which can devastate our relationships. To improve communication, refrain from making assumptions and seek clarification instead.

Try to gather as much information as you can and seek clarification. To learn if your assumptions are based on wrong interpretations, find out what your partner really wants.

In a relationship, asking for feedback on one another's intentions can go a long way toward improving communication.

Check-in with Each Other Regularly

Relationship check-ins are open conversations between you and your partner about your relationship. The amount of time you spend on check-ins can vary depending on your needs, communication abilities, and the number and severity of your conflicts.

For example, you can meet for five to thirty minutes at the start or end of the day to talk without distractions and discuss what is working and what isn't and what you can do to improve your relationship.

Check-ins provide feedback on what you and your partner are doing well and help you feel more secure, loved, and safe.

Seek Couples Therapy

Couples counseling is a private and safe place to learn about unhelpful communication patterns and how they affect your relationship and well-being.

In addition, your couples therapist can help you change bad communication habits in your relationship by teaching you how to use positive communication skills like active listening and "I" statements in your daily interactions.

Couples counseling can also teach you how to keep the positive changes you made in therapy, reconnect with your partner, and work together to grow as individuals and as a couple.

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Reference articles

https://www.healthline.com/health/lack-of-communication

https://www.bustle.com/p/12-communication-mistakes-in-your-relationship-that-are-sabotaging-your-connection-9793880

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication

https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/

https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/examples-of-i-statements-how-to-use-them/

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