How to Improve Sexual Intimacy in Your Relationships

The lust period in most relationships ends after a while, and the intimacy begins to diminish gradually. In many relationships, both partners have a comparable sexual drive, and their libido begins to wane around the same time. These couples often do not view the gradual decrease in their sexual activity as a significant problem.

But it's not unusual for one partner to want sex and closeness more than the other. As a result, their different sexual needs and wants keep coming up, putting the relationship in danger.

The fact that you and your partner have different sexual wants and desires may make you feel frustrated or distant, putting a strain on an otherwise healthy relationship that may start to feel like a roommate marriage.

You may have little arguments, be on the same page when it comes to raising kids or making plans for the future, and generally get along very well; however, you may feel that your relationship has shifted from that of passionate lovers to that of housemates, leaving you empty, confused, and hopeless.

Below are some things that you may do to strengthen your sexual intimacy and begin to enjoy each other again.

Find a Time when You Both Feel Like Having Sex

When you and your partner talk openly about sex, it will be easier to determine the times of day when you both have the most energy and are in the mood to be intimate.

You may create an atmosphere to encourage intimacy, help you unwind, and get in the mood for sex. For example, consider going out for dinner or enjoying a warm bath to ease the day's stress.

Be affectionate without doing anything sexual. If you're feeling stressed, try different ways to show affection that isn't necessarily sexual, like kissing, holding hands, giving each other massages, or cuddling.

Turn to Each Other's Emotional Bids

According to Dr. Gottman from the Gottman Institute, you are more likely to have a satisfying sexual relationship when you pay more attention to each other's emotional attempts for connection, affirmation, and attention.

Emotional bids for connection have a lot to do with sexual intimacy. An emotional bid consists of words or actions that signal their desire for a romantic or sexual attachment to another. So, if you want to reignite your romance, one strategy is to start responding positively to each other's attempts to re-establish contact.

By paying attention to one another's emotional cues, you may strengthen your emotional bond and revive your sexual life, according to Dr. Gottman's decades of relationship research.

Set Boundaries

Some experts believe that too much closeness in a relationship can kill intimacy. For instance, as we start feeling comfortable in our relationships, we may begin to care less about how we behave and act in ways that hurt our partners. We may engage in unhealthy habits or care less about how we look.

Although these behaviors may be signs of comfort, your closeness and sexual intimacy may suffer.

Because of this, it is good for a relationship if you set aside some time and activities just for yourself. It's essential for people in a relationship to keep some of their intimacy and interests separate from each other. This way, you can practice necessary self-care and feel good when you get home to your partner at the end of the day.

Speak One Another's Love Languages

People have their unique ways of showing and wanting affection. So, most of us speak one particular "love language" more fluently than others.

Marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman lists the following as the top five ways in which people show and receive love:

• Words of affirmation

• Gift giving

• Physical touch

• Acts of service

• Quality time together

Finding out which love language each of you prefers may help you better understand one another, respond to each other's emotional bids, and improve emotional and physical connection.

Normalize the Experience

Since libido varies with age and circumstance, we can't expect it to stay the same from one point in time to the next. For example, it is common to have shifts in the sexual drive when you are in love, after giving birth, experiencing relationship problems, or dealing with stress at work.

Also, some people need to feel emotionally close to their partners before they want to have sex. In contrast, others need to have sex to experience emotional connection. But when one person excessively wants intimacy, it can pressure the other person. This can leave both people guilty, frustrated, sad, or angry.

It is essential to put your feelings into perspective. It is common to feel like you have neither the energy nor the desire for sex at the end of a long and stressful day. However, it is also okay to want sex with your partner often. You shouldn't be overly critical of yourself for feeling either way. Be conscious of the fact that this is something that can happen to anyone at any time.

Have Open Conversations

Being honest with each other can help you share and understand your deepest feelings, desires, and concerns. This might enable recognize the blocked or suppressed emotions that prevent you from being completely vulnerable with one another, unpack your sex issues, and strengthen your relationship.

Seek Couples Counseling

Couples counseling might be a safe place to learn how to improve sexual intimacy in your relationship and rekindle closeness. Your therapist may help you identify your different sexual needs and desires.

When it comes to sex, many people have different needs and wants. For example, you may love your partner and crave closeness, but the only way you know how to achieve that is through sex. Or, you might use sex to keep a relationship together, but once you feel safe, you might become less sexual.

A trained couples therapist may be able to help you and your partner find common ground when it comes to your sexual habits, desires, and needs.

Summary

Couples often have different sexual needs, wants, and libidos that don't match. But if you don't talk about it, different sexual drives can make your relationship uncomfortable.

Learning how to turn to each other and be open about your feelings and needs could help make your relationship more sexually intimate and bring you closer together.

Reference articles

https://edition.cnn.com/2017/09/21/health/mismatched-libidos-sex-kerner/index.html

https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-ways-rekindle-passion-marriage/

https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-be-more-sexually-intimate-6504533

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-creating-intimacy

https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/improve-sex-life-couples#conversation

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage

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